Why
by AllThingsInsane
Summary: Third in my Adam-verse. The year is 2000 and Adam has gotten enough comments and judgments from kids about not having a father, that he finally decides to confront his mother about why he can't see him and why she won't ever talk about him.


"Why don't you have a dad?"

"Are you one of _those _kids?"

"Did your Dad die?"

The questions were pretty typical from well-meaning but nosy kids. For the most part, I tried to ignore it. They didn't know what they were talking about. Hell, I didn't kow what I was talking about half the time.

Was my father dead?

I had no clue.

I tried asking my Mom. Typical response: "Your father isn't someone we should be talking about."

But why?

Why couldn't we? _Was _he dead? Was his memory too painful for her? Did he _do _something? Was it bad enough that he was in jail and couldn't see her? I had to find out. I couldn't just sit down and accept the fact that my father wasn't in my life. I had to know. I knew how it was supposed to be: A father was supposed to teach his kid how to throw balls around and teach him about girls and take him to games. A father was your best friend and someone to turn to.

So why was I only getting the simplest of information about him? Why was it that I only knew his name John Winchester and nothing else?

It was hard. It was hard seeing kids with their dads; kids that were playing hockey or football with their dads and not having any of the concerns that I had, or worrying about whether or not their father was alive or not. I was lucky, I knew that. I was lucky that I had a mother that loved me and I was lucky that I lived in a nice home and had friends that cared about me. But. There was a hole in my heart from not having a father to share my life.

* * *

"Mom?" I called as I walked into the kitchen from the back door after school. I dumped my bag on one of the kitchen chairs and smiled softly when I saw the after-school snack she left for me. I took a large chunk out of my berry cobbler and washed it down with some water.

"Hey, sweetie."

I looked up. She was wearing her nurse scrubs.

"Early shift?" I raised my eyebrows. Maybe, for once, she would be home early and we could spend some time together before it got to be too late.

"Angie didn't show up for her shift."

"Awesome."

"Something bothering you?" She frownd, concerned as she crossed the distance between us and softly fingered my hair. Normally, something like this would have bothered kids my age but I didn't care very much as long as she didn't do it in front of my friends.

I shrugged. "Some kids at school today were talking about me."

"About what?"

I shrugged.

"Adam?" She said in a hesitant tone as if she was concerned about forcing the issue when nothing was obviously physically wrong with me. "What did they say?"

"Talking about how I don't have a...dad."

"Oh."

I looked down, pretending to be interested in the mundane design of the red and white checkered table cloth, but in reality, I was trying to avoid the expression of pain and sadness that I knew would be on my mother's face.

"Mom, what happened to Dad?"

"Adam-"

"No!" A reckless sort of anger had come over me as I watched her face. I wanted answers and I wanted answers now. "Please?" I added in a softer tone. "I deserve this, Mom."

"It's complicated."

"What's complicated about it? Is he in prison? Did he hurt someone-"

"No, of course not, honey."

I shrugged angrily. "Well, how would I know? I only know his friggin' name!"

"He's not a bad person, honey. He's-" she tapered off to take a deep breath. "He's not available right now."

"How do you know?"

"I tried calling him after I found I was pregnant with you."

"And he didn't call you back?"

Mom shook her head. "I met him at the hospital. He got hurt in a hunting accident. I treated him and things sort of..." she trailed off with a private sort of smile. "We had a wonderful night," she finished. "Obviously because it resulted in you."

I had a sinking realization that resonated deep into the pit of my stomach. I turned my head to the side, breathing deeply. "Does he even know about me?"

I saw her out of the corner of my eye shake her head. I nodded. I had already known that answer but it still needed to be said for me to believe it to be actually true. I had a father out there. I knew about him, but he had no idea I even existed.

"Do you think he would come if you called him right now?"

"He might."

"Why don't you try?" I asked with a sly smile. "Please? I'll get on the floor and beg if I have to."

She shook her head slowly. "Is it so wrong for me to want you all to myself?"

"That's not fair, Mom."

She sighed. "I know. Adam, right now its not a good time."

"Its _never _a good time," I pointed out. "Every time I ask you about Dad or want to talk about him, you _always _say that its not a good time."

I saw that I had hit a nerve with her. I hated putting her on the spot like this, but I wanted answers. I wanted to know why exactly my dad couldn't be in my life. I wanted and _deserved _to at least know that.

"Because even if I wanted to call him, I have no way of knowing if the number I have would still work or not."

"You can try."

"Not today, sweetie."

"Fine," I mumbled. I knew that I wasn't going to get anywhere today. I knew I would someday, but I knew I wouldn't today.

* * *

**This story is a companion piece to my Adam/John story "At Last" although reading that is not required to understand this story at all. I have become extremely fascinated with the Adam/John storyline and the fact that he had this "secret" child with this nurse that bore an uncanny resemblance to Mary and who he obviously loved enough to sleep with her and then give her his number for the future, as well as take "family" vacations together once he and Adam got to know each other.**


End file.
